This blog will probably never even get viewed, but I hope to use it as a way to express some of the emotions that are involved with being a 'caregiver'.As far as I remember, I have been a 'caregiver' since the day my oldest Kimberlee was born, probably even years before that, but I will acknowledge the day Kim was born as my official start of caregiving. Kimmie is now 25, going on 26 years old and the day she was born was of of the most joyous days of my life. Kim has shown to be a mom after this mom's own heart. I also will admit that the births of my 3 other daughters were equally wonderful. I seem to have been blessed by God with 4 of the most incredible daughters a mom could ever ask for. They all possess the qualities of strength, wisdom, caring, nurturing, compassion, independence, intelligence, silliness, but most of all a love for God and His Word. Rachel has always been my emotional daughter. Though many may see her as the most independent, she has always been my sensitive one. Some people may view 'sensitive' as a slightly negative label, but I have news for all those people. Being sensitive has allowed Rachel to view the world in a rare way. She has the greatest compassion for those in the world who are suffering, yet she will never allow her own feelings of hurt to truly show. I feel that she sometimes carries a huge weight on her shoulders. The world needs more people like her. Renee is my third daughter and she is my "I told you more than I should have" daughter. I find myself looking to Nene as one of those very trusted people that you can truly share with. No one can try to be the peacemaker like Renee. She will make the crappiest day seem wonderful. How many moms have a daughter who is one of the few people she talks to?? She and Anna know when I am hiding (or lying) about the way I really feel. Anna is my 'baby'. She was her dad's last hope at a boy, but I praise God all the time that she was a girl. She is the true version of a 'trooper'. She loves others so much that she will bury her own feelings and go out on a limb for anyone (especially her own mom). Anna will eventually speak her mind, but only when she feels it is called for. Thank you Anna for calling me out when I need it the most.
So now you know a little about the daughters God has placed in my life. I feel overwhelming thankfulness for each of them. I have also been blessed with grandchildren. I will never be able to put into words the emotions I have for my twin grandsons and my granddaughter Violet. Jackson and Cullen (twins boys) were my first journey into being gramma (or as I am known as Nana). I really wanted to be called Gramma Ortiz, but Kim had such wonderful memories of her own Gramma Ortiz that she told me there would only ever be one Gramma Ortiz. So I am now known as Nana. I will accept this title with honor as I am overwhelmed with emotion at the thought of being any sort of a grandparent to these precious children. I will now use this opportunity to say "bring on the grandchildren" . There seems to be this overabundance of love for these little creatures called "grandchildren".
I have claimed the title of "caregiver" for the sheer fact that I have been giving 'care' to my own mother for over 3 years now. My mom was officially diagnosed with a very rare and humiliating disease in October of 2008. The mother who I always looked to for love and guidance was finally diagnosed with Progressive Supranuclear Palsy two days after my dad died from melanoma. For over a year before her diagnosis, my mom had been told she had suffered a stroke. While trying to hold my marriage together, I had been taking my mom to the stroke center in Palm Springs and we were both frustrated with the results. Well, of course someone would be unhappy with the results of stroke therapy when the diagnosis was incorrect. While I may hold a great deal of bitterness for the married woman my husband of 24 years left me for, I would never even wish my Mom's disease even on her. My mom suffers from a disease that is progressively breaking down every single nerve and muscle in her body. So as a 'caregiver' I will proceed to write this blog. Forgive me for the sadness as long as the misspelling and the grammar mistakes I will be making. I pray that one day if one single person reads this, they may find some weird sort of comfort or healing from this depressing or as I call it the healing blog of a caregiver. May God bless every single person who is caring for a parent. More from me and my rather odd and depressing sort of life.. May the love of God shine upon all us us.
